I'm hopelessly in love with apples. Oooh...apples!! Haha. I've had two and I want more. I think the only thing I miss, in my mom's absence, is the apples that she buys. How filial of me.

Physical Fitness Test in approximately two weeks. And well, to say the least, I am not fit. I'm aching everywhere from today's PE. And we didn't even do much. Just the five items. All of which I passed, but only marginally. Except for situps and pullups, for some strange reason.

(I want another apple.)

After much consideration, I've decided to stick with PW. Yes, I have. Don't die of shock just yet, though. Let me explain my rationale. Perhaps most importantly, I don't want to watch my group die horribly. I may not know them well, and I may not like all of them, but I don't want to know that I might have indirectly caused them to do badly in an A level subject either. Though Veera assures me that it is his responsibility to make sure they make a good pass, with or without my help. He says I can make a personal decision without considering them, and that he'd support it. Still, since I've already invested 124 huge bucks in this worthless cause, I might as well learn something from it. If not any of the government objectives, then at least the sacrificing of one's own benefit for the larger common good. Something I'd do well to learn, in any case.

So yes, I'm stuck with PW. For all I know, my brother might need the money for himself. Either for university or poly or possibly both. Though he's in the supposedly fool-proof HCI integrated programme. Oh well, what can I say. Genes can only do so much in determining someone's latter day intelligence.

Don't get me wrong though. He is really a rather brilliant little kid. I'm still periodically amazed at what I never knew he was capable of. Still, being the elder sister to a brother is tough. And being the middle child is tougher yet. Kudos to all the middle children out there. Haha. We rule, eh?

"If your spirit's broken and you can't bear the pain,
I will help you put the pieces back, bit by bit, each and every day.
If your heart is locked and you can't find the key,
Lay your head upon my shoulder,
I'll set you free.
I'll be your security." - Security, Joss Stone

Still going through all my ups and downs. Kit Lu pointed out a new retainee today. And I guess, for some reason, that makes me feel slightly better about myself. She's got potential to become more messed up than me. Much more.

On another note, I really am pretty proud of my aptitude for Econs, especially. Well actually, if I may say so myself, I really am quite smart. I have this amazing ability to figure out problems all by myself. Either due to this stubborn inflexibility that keeps me banging my head on the wall till I solve a question, or because of an inherent confidence that tells me the answer's just there, in front of me, and all I have to do, is look in the right direction. Pretty long sentence, that. Well, the point is, I amaze myself. And I don't particularly care what anyone says at this time.

People like to call me retarded and spastic and crazy. Those with a special liking for euphemisms call me cute. But at the end of the day, no one really believes I can do all that I claim to be capable of. And sometimes it just doesn't fit my agenda to go about proving myself to every insignificant soul that comes along.

Though I figure that the least I could do, is prove it to myself. I occasionally wonder if all this egoism and hubris is really just a misguided attempt in trying to cover up my incompetence.

The weekend's coming again. Which means that another week of the nine precious weeks I have left, has just passed by, out the window. I know I'm supposed to sit myself down for some serious studying, but I just have so much else to do.

Anyway, given the math remedials that I have to start attending, my results can't get that horrid. Can it?

Though there are still three other subjects to worry over. Econs is alright. "Something everyone knows, in a language that no one understands" makes a surprising amount of sense to me. All I need, are my notes, an empty, air-conditioned room, and a pen or two. And I'd have it all figured out.

Lit is slightly more tricky. To date, I have two books to catch up on. Two books, that I can never find the time to read. Othello is proving my previous judgements wrong, and turning out to be a rather good play. Think Hunter's a better tutor than Lofthouse. Not because he's more dramatic, though that certainly helps, but because he just seems more into the play. He thinks as he teaches, which makes for quite a lot of stumbling over sentences and incoherent speech. But the main ideas get through, and his thought processes are obvious. More interesting to me, though I'm sure a lot of people don't understand him.

Chinese is a near to hopeless cause. I like it enough, to want and be able to pass it, but not enough to ace it. What a dilemma. There are so many people better suited to do the subject, so why am I doing it instead? It's all wrong. Sigh.

So. What should I do now?

AnRu reminisced at 6:48:00 PM.