And it's hard at the end of the day.

Since there is practically no other way of getting to you, I have to post everything here, for everyone to read.

First of all, you're not the only one getting hurt. I hate to have to do this to you, but it isn't fun for me either. I didn't stop loving you. Just realized that Love couldn't make every single thing all right. I could have chosen to be selfish and cowardly and clung on to you. I could have refused to face up to reality and continued being with you. But at the end of the day, life wouldn't get easier for either of us. Perhaps you don't feel it yet, but you have to agree that our lives are different.

We cannot give the support each of us needs. You often say that I don't understand you, and I will admit as much. I don't know your life. I've never been through anything you have. I don't understand and I cannot, ever. Similarly, you don't understand me either. Ever wondered what I really wanted to say when I started a sentence then finished by saying nevermind or nothing? There's so much that I cannot say to you. There's so much that I know you will never understand, simply because it's never happened to you. There's so much I don't bother telling you for fear that you might take it the wrong way.

You may continue blaming me for hurting you, for betraying your faith in me, and any other hideous sin that I am innocent of. I'll take the blame. Because you did warn me of our differences, way early on, probably in January. And I did ignore your warnings. So I'll take the blame for as long as you feel like blaming me. But there is one thing that I will not do. And that is to sit by and watch as you degrade what we had, into something that was mere folly. I don't regret loving you. And I still do. You might not understand all my reasons for having to break up with you, but think of this. Would it have been any better to say that my parents would never accept you?

We had a real relationship. It wasn't about me taking you for granted, just to have someone around. You may accuse me of everything, but not of playing you. I did not. And I would never. Because I've been played and I would never wish that on anyone else.

Life doesn't just suck for you alone. Life sucks for me too. Life sucks even more without you around. You could make it that much better by forgiving me, soon. Or you could make it worse for me, by continuing to hurl abuse at me. I'm not going to stop you. I can't.

It's your choice. You can choose to make me happier, or even more depressed. And I'm not going to remind you of what you would have done, this same time last week.

What you would have done when I still closed my eyes to reality.

AnRu reminisced at 12:15:00 AM.