Before milk-white, now purple with love's wounds. And maidens call it love-in-idleness.

I loathe the way she degrades someone to prove a point, the way she insists on being right each and every goddamned time. I detest the way I'm turning out like her. Sarcasm is no longer just a vehicle for humour, it isn't even for easy expression anymore. It's now for lashing out at others, for intentional harm. When I'm being sarcastic, I mean for you to feel hurt. Well, most of the time anyway.

Anyway, so it's cold war again, as Jamie so succintly puts it. [I fucking hate this keyboard, but not like it's relevant at all.] I am very much aware that I have lots to lose, thank you very much. But honestly, how long can this last anyway. Sooner or later she's going to have to realize she can't control me every fucking step of the bleeding way. I'm going to grow up, with or without her help, whether she likes it or not. And no matter how I turn out to be, I am going to end up leaving her and her nest. And there is not a single thing she can do about it. It'd do her good, it'd do everyone good, if she just learns that lesson soon. Like real soon. Cos I need money, and she ain't giving any.

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over. I wanna know right now, what will it be.

She can throw me out, she can refuse to pay for things, she can confiscate things without giving me reasons, she can be as unreasonable as she damned well likes, and there is nothing I can do about it. I know that. I know that as well as she does. But in the end, this family, this house - nothing, belongs to her. She can leave, but she has no right to make anyone else leave.

What the hell is it with setting (god forbid) curfews at ten, screening my friends and filtering out those she doesn't like, and ignoring every single goddamned thing I have done to save myself and nullifying it all with a single "you've been wasting your life".

Woman, I don't know the guy up there who gave you the fucking right to judge my life. But hey, guess what, your opinion of me matters more to you than it does to me. Your words aren't going to cut me like they used to. Because, whether you like it or not, you no longer have my respect.

And god bless those who lose my respect. You lose that, you lose everything that I would ever give.

It's more common than you think.

AnRu reminisced at 10:45:00 PM.