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Saturday, August 13, 2005 This is yet another one of those days, when I wake up wondering just what I've been doing. The past couple of weeks (actually the whole year) has passed by in a blur, without anything concrete being accomplished. I've changed a whole lot, and I'm not sure I like the change. I've done some pretty stupid things that (of course) I wish I could undo, but I'm learning not to harp on that anymore. I..don't know. Part of me honestly thinks that this year's much better than the last, but there's always this little nagging suspicion that I'm just being delusional. I don't want another entry comparing last year with this one that's passing by. It's ending soon enough anyway. But I can't help but believe I was more in control of everything last year. Ironic though, because it's the unforseen and unavoidable circumstances that have landed me in this year. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. My horoscope tells me it's high time to let go of something that I've grown familiar with. Something that might be restraining me from exploring more. It just so happens that the wacked up thing is accurate more than half the time, so I'm wondering if... No, that's stupid. It's utterly ridiculous. I can't imagine saying it. I'll just wait and see how things go. But at this rate, I guess it'll happen sooner than I'd previously expected. I wouldn't say I'm pressured, and I wouldn't say I'm stressed. He ranted at me a few days ago, about his wish to give the best to people. And it struck me that..Hey! I used to be like that.. But he didn't let me finish that thought. We left it at that and it's stuck with me since. I'm not sure I'd call this guilt, but it's definitely a disappointment. I used to be that way, and suddenly, I'm not anymore. Where did it all go? Saying I lost all that heart because of external events is almost as silly as saying my heart stopped beating because the wind stopped blowing. Or something equally stupid. But the wind is blowing. But I digress. So I guess the point is, I've suddenly caught a glimpse of my former self, in a passing shadow around the corner. And I wonder if it's too late to catch up. And I'm not sure I want to catch up, because time lets us forget many grievances that seemed galactic at the point of..My vocabulary fails me. Conception, occurance..? I don't know. I'm rambling. And sometimes it's a way of organizing thoughts. My brother's coming home. My aunt's coming home. Everybody's coming home. I've just always been hiding at home. "Wide Open Spaces" Who doesn't know what I'm talking about Who's never left home, who's never struck out To find a dream and a life of their own A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone Many precede and many will follow A young girl's dream no longer hollow It takes the shape of a place out west But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed She needs wide open spaces Room to make her big mistakes She needs new faces She knows the high stakes She traveled this road as a child Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired But now she won't be coming back with the rest If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test She needs wide open spaces Room to make her big mistakes She needs new faces She knows the high stakes She knows the high stakes As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!" Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl" She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago" When she stood there and let her own folks know She needed wide open spaces Room to make her big mistakes She needs new faces She knows the high stakes She knows the highest stakes She knows the highest stakes She knows the highest stakes She knows the highest stakes AnRu reminisced at 4:04:00 PM.
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Hurt and Deceived 18 November Dead and Gone I Turn To denise eternity georgia jamie leona lionel michelle neha priscilla samantha shane shujun terence terry vaish will yixuan Engraved In The Lines Of Yesterday
Tell Me Your Lies
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