And she's about to see.

Well, I guess an update is way overdue, so here it is. Though I'm torn between posting a truly emotionless narrative and choosing its alternative, the highly emotional, and thoroughly mood-wrecking soul search I seem to relish. Given the rather sombre mood I'm currently in, I'm inclined to begin with the seemingly lighter account, to simply state what happened.

The birthday's on my mind, first and foremost. And like I've told a few, the day started bad and grew progressively worse. But redeemed itself in the end anyway, like they're known to do. I could possibly just forget all the petty stuff (getting rained on, etc...), but I cannot forgive them for destroying my cake! Ohmygod. Typical, for my first birthday cake to get so hopelessly ruined. Imagine candles stuck haphazardly in one strange corner of the cake, wax running all over the top, mixing with the brilliantly colored fruit, turning them a hideous green. And might I just mention too, that they got the wrong number of candles?! And then there was a power cut and I burst into tears, which spoiled the night for him too. Ah it was crappy.

I went home after that to stick the cake in the fridge for the brothers to find and devour. Then left again, headed for MOMO. But, who'd have thought my Mom would yell my name from the darkness of the multi-storey carpark, ordering me home before twelve? What the heck. We stayed till 2 anyway. And I got a birthday song from the band, and I tripped on the stage, which made me seem drunk, though I honestly was NOT. Well, not until the free drinks anyway. Hurhur. And even then, not really!

At this point, a detail worth mentioning. I started this post three days before. The paragraphs don't really link up. It's easy to figure which one was written when. So let me continue.

Erm so. I got a bear for my birthday this year. I got it quite some time before the big day, but if it's meant to be, it counts. If that makes any sense. It's white and furry (the only bear that's nowhere near furry, is Mr. Bean's bear, and that bear is, ridiculously hideous), and comes with a name! Haha. Not much of a name, I should say, but still. It's cute, when it's only the second bear you've ever ever gotten (first one was yellow from SzeYuen I think). So yes. Sugar's the name. And now it's a permanent fixture on my bed, though sometimes I manage to swipe it off in my sleep. Heh.

I should be getting to work, I really should.

Hmm. What next?

I dug through my archives, to see what's been said on the past two birthdays. Nothing much. Nothing about the actual day, it seems. I hope that'll change. There aren't that many occasions for celebration. I could sure do with a few more.

And the reflections. Lessons learnt. The storm's blown itself out, and now the sky's a peaceful blue. Nothing seems to be on the horizon, and for once, that's exactly how I want it to be. Just plain nothingness. Nothingness suits me. Perhaps I was never meant for the life I led. Guess I finally accept that.

Like I've told a certain someone, I don't believe in miracles. Not anymore. But I believe things work out in the end. Maybe not in the most desirable way, but often in an acceptable way. Growing up brings pains, brings with it a point in life when most things you've taken for granted suddenly rise, and slap you wide awake. It's not the end of the world. It might just be the beginning.

And if I don't get here again before that December day, christmas cheers to all you folks out there.

AnRu reminisced at 8:36:00 AM.