I keep a rabbit's tail.

The sharp pain and loneliness hit hard, in the silent hours before dawn.

I want to sit in a corner and cry till my Mommy comes get me. I want my bear, the one that's still sitting in its pretty box, collecting dust on my shelf. I want my big thick comforter, the one I hide under on rainy nights. I want my bolster, the one that ends up on the floor most often than not. I want my spot on the worn, sagging couch, even if my back hurts after a while. I want my books, notes, memorabilia, and all the dust caught between the pages. I want my memories, those that surface only when the world is turned, and no one's looking in this direction.

I want my childhood. I want my innocence. I want that little tiny bit of me I left behind, when I took the last step out the door.

I want life to go back to before I found my mom, drunk and unconscious. Before my father walked out. Before I filled up to the brim with desperation and fled.

I want to go home. But I fear I know no home anymore.

AnRu reminisced at 5:04:00 AM.